Becoming...

How is the church to respond?

2009-08-10T11:27:00.002-06:00

I've been struggling with how the Church responds to its members when they 'make a mistake', 'commit a crime' or in church language sin. Do we offer grace? Do we offer hope? Do we offer reconciliation with God and community?

Three examples to consider:

1) Columbine. Last spring marked the 10^th anniversary of the Columbine shootings. One of the shooters parents, Dylan Klebold,were looking for a pastor to do his funeral. I understand they were refused many times and frantically called a Lutheran church. The Lutheran pastor, “the Rev. Don Marxhausen believed that Dylan's parents deserved to hear the message of God's grace.” The pastor extended God’s love along with God’s understanding of suffering and pain with this family. Eventually, Rev. Marxhausen would lose his pastorate because of his continued relationship with the Klebold family. He believed they should have been offered the ministry of presence after such a tragedy. Recently, my wife Amy went for a walk with a friend through the Columbine memorial at the city park. The memorial remembers the 13 victims of this crime but does not mention the 2 shooters, who also died of their own hands. Tragedy and pain is complex and in this situation very emotionally charged. God’s call on our lives is to remember this: the complexity that is pain and suffering leaves no one untouched and only God’s grace can help us walk into the light of healing.

2) BTK. I lived in Wichita during the BTK resurface. BTK was a serial killer who lived in the community for thirty years after his crimes were committed. After BTK, also known as Dennis Rader, was captured and arrested it began known that he attended a Lutheran church and was president of the congregation. Following his arrest, his pastor visited him in prison, sometimes twice a week offering pastoral presence and even communion. The pastor, Rev. Michael Clark, offered Dennis Rader his presence in his ministerial role. “Clark has received criticism from people upset that he has continued to be Rader's pastor. But that's his calling, he has said--to minister.” Even in the face of criticism, the pastor continues to offer support to a believer in God who seeks repentance and reconciliation. This takes grace to another level and especially the verse in Matthew 25:36, “I was in prison and you visited me”. This is our call from God, to be present with people.

3) Pennsylvania Gunman. Last week, George Sodini walked into an exercise gym and killed 3, wounding 9. He then turned the gun on himself; tragic and difficult to understand. For a brief time he attended a non-denominational Christian Church in the area. According to the article, he was asked to leave for harassing a woman. Clearly, there are some issues with this man and the church took appropriate action. However, the church did not pray for the man on Sunday, they don't pray for the dead. One deacon said this, "We believe in permanent security — once saved, always saved," Rickard said. "He will be judged, but he will be in heaven. ... He'll be in heaven, but he won't have any rewards because he did evil." Wow! I did not know there was a special ice cream section in heaven. So, this is why we do acts on earth, to get goodies in heaven. I know I'm being cynical and snotty in my response but making these statements pushes my sensibilities of God’s grace. Further, to not offer prayers for the man or his family is not grace-filled but judgment-filled. Where is God’s presence?

What is the difference between these examples? How does the church respond to people? How do we offer grace instead of judgment? I believe the church is called to offer opportunities for repentance. I acknowledge we must have boundaries and accountability for sins. I don’t live in an imaginary utopian society, there is punishment for crimes, both human and Divine. The Church exists to offer healing and a safe place for all sinners to come and leave whole taking Christ with them. If this is true, we should pray for people, we should visit parishioners in prison and we should hold funerals for the dead. Everyone deserves resurrection and it is God who gives this gift, not humanity. I invite you to be open to God’s presence by recognizing how God’s power of resurrection transcends all our human traits and failures to raise us from the ashes into grace and reconciliation with God.

Reference articles:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32350576/

http://www.newsweek.com/id/193591

http://www.kansas.com/btk/archive/story/19090.html?storylink=pd?storylink=pd

Who? Why? Where? How?

2009-04-20T10:40:00.001-06:00

Who? Why? Where? How?

What is this thing we call Confirmation? Confirmation is officially the process by which youth join the church in full membership. Alita and Clairissa have been going to Confirmation classes every week since September. For 8 months they have learned about the history of the Christian Church, history of the Methodists, the hymnal, the social creeds and a variety of belief topics. It has been a long journey for them and today is right-of-passage. But, confirmation is not the end of the class it is the beginning of a process.

How long have you been a member of a church? How long have you claimed the name Christian or Methodist? How long have you been a part of Christ Church? Tuesday, I received a letter from my home congregation, the church where I was baptized, confirmed. It is an amazing thing to receive this week of all weeks saying, congratulations on being a member of Aldersgate UMC for 17 years. I remember my confirmation experience; it was so boring. We talked about every important Methodist historical figure, we don’t even do that in Seminary. I remember the pastor putting a transparency on the wall that had these heads of historical men. It was in black and white and said what they were known for. Who cares!! We never talked about what we believed, we just answered the questions without thought or critical reflection.

Today, Confirmation is very different at Christ Church, be thankful. Our youth are asked to struggle with the process, with their beliefs and with their decisions. The Confirmands asked lots of questions but these Who, Why, Where and How ones are the most pertinent.

1) Who am I?

2) Why am I joining the church?

3) Where is Christ in my life?

4) How will I change if I claim to be a Christian?

Who am I?

Confirmation begins with an understanding of the self, a search for the inner you. We must be on the quest to find ourselves, to understand what makes us unique and unrepeatable as a people of God.

The youth wrote creeds, you will find in your bulletin. In contemporary language, who God is to them, how they understand Jesus Christ. They have answered how they will support the church with their prayers, presence, gifts, service and witness. These creeds embody who they are inside as believers. But, do these creeds define them forever? Maybe, but they might change too, you might be different a year from now, twenty years from now.

Thomas has sometimes been given a bad reputation in history. He is held as an example of what not to do as a Christian but I think we all agree, doubting is important to belief. Thomas was just allowing himself to be honest. It would have been very easy for Thomas to agree with the disciples. Yea, I saw Jesus. But, Thomas was honest; he stood alone and said, “I won’t believe until I see”. Thomas doubted and he was honest with himself and his friends. Thomas knew who he was and wasn’t willing to compromise to fit into the crowd.

Why am I joining the church?

Confirmation is a choice. It is not a given that these youth will join. We do not begin the class by saying, you will join the church and you will believe these things. Do you have enough faith in the church to join it?

Each week in class, the confirmands were invited to ask questions. They had some really tough one. How do we know Jesus was white? If the Bible was written by humans, how do we know it is true? What is the holy spirit? Why do we base our religion off a book written thousands of years ago? If God is so good and powerful why is there suffering in the world? Those are some BIG questions, with no easy answers and maybe some of them are even unanswerable. Do you have enough faith in the church to join it?

Mona was a member of my youth group and she was a doubter. She viewed Christianity as having often forced itself on others, she doubted Jesus had even existed but was created by humanity and she doubted anything that spoke of spirituality. But, she loved the church. During her confirmation process all she could say about religion was this: there is a creative force in the universe. That was it. Yet, this unbeliever chose to attend church, she yearned to belong. How could someone who doubts the mission and tenants of an organization want to attend it? Mona knew something others do not. She knew she needed the church because it was the one place that accepted her, that allowed her to be her unique self. She had faith in the church being a place for her. Remember your faith in the church and why you are here each Sunday, why some days you struggle through snow and wind or sacrifice sun and warmth. There is something we need from this place.

Thomas was not just a doubter, he was also a believer. Prior to the scripture that tells us about Thomas and questions, Thomas, in John 11, is the only disciple to believe in what Jesus has said. It is the story of Lazarus: the man who died before Jesus could reach him. Jesus says Lazarus is not dead and the other disciples are like, but Martha said he was dead. Yet, Thomas is the believer. Thomas the doubter is the only one who believed that Lazarus would be alive. Even when Thomas was asking to see the physical risen Christ, I have no doubt, he also believed. He believed in Jesus’ teaching, he believed something wonderful and scary was happening. He believed in the presence of Christ, he just needed a little proof before he would believe it all.

Where is Christ?

Winter Storm Advisory. The minute these words are uttered the anxiety of this town rises. People start asking questions, Where? How much? Weird…its April ( Ok, maybe that is just me). And then there is the disappointment, we only got 4 inches. Have you ever noticed how many people go to the grocery store when there is a Winter Storm Advisory. I’ve only lived here 2 years but I am skeptical of the weather forecasters ability to accurately predict the weather, especially when I heard snow ranges from 9-24 inches. I always tell Amy, “we are going to get snow, and this is going to be a big one, going to really get us stuck inside”. Her response, “I’ll believe it when I see it”.

Where do we see the risen Christ in our world?

Thomas waited to see the risen Christ, he would not believe until he witnessed it. Thomas and the disciples are in a locked room and I have a sense this room was full of fear. It was not locked to keep Jesus out; it was locked to keep the angry mobs out. The disciples were a rebellious sect, their leader had been crucified and now his body was missing. These were not ideal conditions for encountering Jesus yet this is where Jesus enters; this is when Jesus walks through the door.

Even though we don’t see the Jesus Thomas saw, we have everyday reminders of the risen Christ. We have each other here, we have nature out there and we have our daily encounters with the world. See it and believe it, the risen Christ is all around you.

How will I change if I claim to be a Christian?

The symbol of the butterfly has often been associated with Christianity and the resurrection. It is a symbol of new birth, change from an old self to a new self, metamorphosis on the journey of life. That you are not the same person you were when you began the confirmation experience or when you joined the church.

You will change; you will be different because you claim to be a Christian. Richard Rohr says, “Jesus keeps us on the necessary search”. We search for the risen Christ. We are searching for answers to our questions. Along this journey we are transformed, where we are today is not the place we began. God leads us not to certainty or superior faith but allows us to experience our journey, wherever it leads us.

The monarch butterfly descends every year on an epic journey. The monarchs rise form their cocoons and start to fly from Canada, across the U.S. to a small patch of Mexican forest they have never seen. 1800 miles. They get there by using the sun at a specific time of day to get directions. This journey of the butterfly is beyond comprehension, how does an animal with a brain the size of a spec of sand know to go to a forest, which is only 60 miles in total size out of hundreds and thousands miles in the North American continent.

Thomas went on an epic journey. He was a disciple of Jesus, and led a radically different life. Tradition tells us Thomas went and evangelized in India. I doubt we really know what happened to Thomas, but we know Thomas has a place in our faith, an important place. Thomas questioned. Thomas doubted but he kept going on the journey. He was changed inside and outside. He left his job as a fisherman to follow Jesus. His doubt was replaced with belief by seeing the risen Christ.

The butterfly cloth is a symbol of the change of life. Alita and Clairissa you will spend the rest of your life trying to make sense of this God and the risen Christ you encounter. Your quest for identity, your journey of life is like a monarch butterfly heading towards Mexico. It is epic.

In a few minutes you will kneel here, you will answer questions and we will pray over you and you will join this community of both believers and doubters.

AMEN.

A Holy Time-Out

2009-04-05T14:00:00.003-06:00

In The Holy Space

Before I begin this morning I would like to say Thank You for your thoughts and prayers this past week. Many of you know my brother Matt was in a terrible car wreck two weeks ago. Last Friday, he took a dramatic decline and we spent a harrowing 24 hours. Yesterday, he talked. He has a long road of recovery yet to go but I wanted to thank you for your thoughts and your care on behalf of my family.

Communion means different things for different faiths and different people. A friend recently told me a story, which captures this point:

At a spiritual retreat the group she was participating in had a ritual where participants go through the communion line twice. The first time, a dying moment, every one takes a piece of bread and stands before the altar allowing that piece to symbolize an impediment in their relationship with God. The bread is left on the altar. The second time through the participants take the bread and partake of communion with the cup. They offer two loaves of bread – one for the Dying Moment and one for communion. After the dying moment, the clergy lifted the breadbasket asked the people, “Do you know what we are going to do with this?” With one swift movement she dumped the communion bread from the basket into the trashcan at her feet. A huge cheer erupted from the crowd. Participants jumped to their feet, applauding. Everyone was overjoyed – everyone, that is, except the two Catholic participants who sat with their mouths open, shocked at what had just occurred. While everyone else saw a symbolic act of getting rid of our roadblocks, the Catholics had witnessed Christ being thrown in the trash.

Christ Church you are a Sanctuary filled with different people, and you bring your histories to the communion table. Whether you were born and bred Methodist, raised Catholic, or associated with any other protestant denomination, you all bring your individuality to the Eucharist. What does communion mean to you?

In about 15 minutes we will share in the ritual of communion. I’ve often wondered what goes through the mind as we walk slowly towards the bread and cup. These are some of my musings over the years:
“God, I really made some big mistakes this week”
“I’m glad that sermon is over”
“I’m very very hurt by my partner’s actions”
“How long is this going to take, the broncos are playing in 45 minutes”
“God, thank you…”
“Am I worthy to take?”
“Got to remember to get milk on the way home”
Maybe you have silently spoken one of these statements, or something like them, as you are standing in the communion line. This is the 5th consecutive week we have done communion, what are you contemplating as you walk towards the bread and cup?

Communion is supposed to be a time of meditation, serenity and solitude. It is a time to connect with the Divine in our midst. However, the Last Supper started out as anything but tranquil. First, we have two disciples arguing over who will be the greatest. Who will sit at Jesus’ right and who will sit at the left? Arguing about petty details. Then Jesus shares that one of the twelve will betray him, one will destroy it all. You can see the disciples fearfully claiming, is it I? The disciples are focused on themselves. Jesus is trying to have a final meal with his friends, the people closest to him and they are all arguing with each other. This is not a situation where the disciples are seeking out God; rather they are letting the chaos of the moment take over. But, then Jesus calls for a sort of holy time-out. Jesus does something he isn’t supposed to do. In Jewish tradition, at Passover there is always a cup placed on the table for Elijah. This cup is left untouched as a symbol of the return of Elijah. Jesus reaches for this cup, signifying something different was happening. The disciples had entered a holy space with Jesus. Jesus is making the moment about God and not about the individual.

What is communion all about? Some answers might be: asking for forgiveness, bringing our sorrows to God, taking a symbolic step into new life, or engaging in the remembrance of Jesus’ sacrifice for us. These are true answers but they all focus on the self. They are individualistic. They limit what God can do in the holy act of communion. God’s possibilities are endless when we get of out the way and let God work. Have you ever said to a friend, in sarcastic honesty, it is not always about you? The same approach can be taken with communion. It does not always have to be about us.

A few weeks ago, I asked Jill Conner and her son, Cael to join me in serving communion. Jill was holding the cup and Cale was standing next to her. During the communion ritual, Jill overheard Cael saying something, very softly to people as they passed through the line. Very softly. It took her most of the time to realize what Cael was saying. As each person was walking though Cael would say, “Jesus Christ.” “Jesus Christ” “Jesus Christ” Cale gets communion, it’s about something other than ourselves, it’s about Jesus. It’s about emptying ourselves to meet God ready to be filled.

Henri Nouwen, a catholic priest and theologian says this of communion with God. “God does not hold back, God gives all.” This is a holy space that God hold for us. God brings everything to the table, nothing is held back. Are we vulnerable enough to leave everything in the pews? To come to the table with nothing but the desire for God’s grace? To be willing to let the unimaginable happen? This is the vulnerable communion of Jesus. Recognizing how far we are from being in union with God and all creation is part of the vulnerable act of communion. Bearing in ourselves the hope of a new promise and the pain of a broken past.

When we approach communion vulnerable, we keep God at the center of the experience. But, what does it take to be vulnerable walking down the aisle? Jesus gave us the example, the holy-time-out.

In 1994, I was a freshman in high school, spending a week of my summer vacation in Okemah, Oklahoma. This is in the middle of nowhere. My youth group was working to frame a fellowship hall for an Indian Missionary Church. We worked for four days framing for a church where the youngest member was 69. Putting 2 x 4’s together, nailing and nailing. It was hot exhaustive work in the middle of a July Oklahoma summer. We were cleaning up the job site on Friday afternoon – delirious from our work - when the pastor of the church came to us with a few of the parishioners. She wanted to offer us communion. It was the strangest communion I had ever experienced and yet it was also the most spiritual communion act of my life. The pastor put the communion elements in the center of the framed hall. She put on the ground, a hot dog bun and a Dixie cup, which she poured grape pop into. My initial reaction was anger. This is not communion; we use Hawaiian bread and Welch’s grape juice. A hot dog bun? Grape pop? I needed a holy-time-out. (pause – slow) And my holy space was delivered. The pastor asked each of the parishioners to share what the building will mean to them when it is completed. “A space of community.” “A place for meals.” “Shelter.”

For me, communion is not about getting it theologically correct, getting it spiritually right. Communion is about being vulnerable enough to let God work in our lives, to let God lead, to let the holy space be.

The pastor offered no words; she just read the scriptural passage from Matthew. “Take and eat. Drink from it, all of you.” We stood in a circle as she passed from person to person, each of us taking and drinking. I had to do a holy-time-out, to be reminded what communion is all about.

Walking back to the pews, what is on the mind after communion?

“I hope that kid didn’t have a cold”

“Ok, I can do this”

“I felt nothing, is it me?”

“ Thank you, God”

Before you stand to walk down this aisle, I invite you to take a holy-time-out and remember we never know what will happen during communion: the person in front of you might have to dive into the cup for their bread, the server may sneeze all over you, someone might drink from the cup, you might leave changed and so full of God your life will never be the same, you may feel nothing and your bread might get thrown in the trash.

We come to the table vulnerable but we are not alone. There is someone in front of you and someone behind you and the presence of Christ is always with us.

AMEN.

Letting Others Help

2009-02-26T11:35:00.001-06:00

LETTING OTHERS HELP

There are lots of things they don’t teach you about being a youth director. No one teaches you how to handle a broken radiator on a 15-passenger van in the middle of Texas. No one teaches you how to eat a banana in under 30 seconds. No one explains the world of teenage hormones and angst. No one teaches you that you have to watch the extension cord on the moonwalk bouncer because teenagers think it would be cool to have collapse on them inside. No one can teach you or prepare you for the moment when during a retreat you have to make an emergency trip to the hospital and you are the reason for the trip, you the leader, the one-in-charge needs help.

The unexpected of life. I was 22, leading my first retreat with a group of 30 youth at a retreat center in remote southeastern Kansas. It was in the middle of the proverbial nowhere. After a long day of hiking and exploring God in nature we were settling down to a movie. The group was walking from our lodges to the meeting cabin when I suddenly fell over. The youth thought it was funny; I was confused to find myself on the ground. I got to my knees and stood up and immediately was walking titled to my left side. This was strange. I let the youth continue to think it was funny but knew something was terribly wrong. The youth started their movie while a sponsor and I conferred with my doctor. After an hour of dizziness and slumping to my left side, it was decided I should go to the hospital. I had to let others help lead the youth. I was unprepared for either – leaving the youth and going to the hospital. The unexpected of life had just dropped me to the ground. I had to let others help me. Help me get to a hospital and help the youth finish their weekend. Nothing prepares us for the unexpected.

The gospel of Mark tells us that Jesus is preaching in Capernaum. He is preaching to a packed house. The house is totally full. We don’t know what Jesus is saying but it is getting the attention of the people. Jesus is always doing something unexpected. However, this time something unexpected happens to Jesus. Jesus is just preaching to the people and he seems to be oblivious to the efforts of the paralyzed man’s friends. Now, the paralyzed man’s friends are trying to get him in the house to see Jesus. They try the front door – nope, blocked by too many people. They try to go through a window – again blocked by people. So, they can either dig under the house or drop him through the roof. To the roof they go. Jesus is preaching when all of a sudden, dirt begins to fall on him. I can see Jesus moving back, nonchalantly, and looking up just as a man comes crashing down in front of him. This is not a typical thing to have happen, a paralyzed man falls through the roof. I imagine the man dangling by the rope of four friends, looking at Jesus, looking directly into the eyes of Jesus. (gesture to represent man in front of Jesus) I imagine Jesus clears his throat, taking that momentary pause to gather himself from the shock. Jesus lets the dust settle and he looks at this man dangling in front of him. Nothing prepares us for the unexpected.

The hospital. It was a long journey to get from that camp to the trauma center. At a rural hospital I was diagnosed with an inner-ear infection and sent home for rest. I reluctantly went home, leaving the retreat. The next day, still not feeling better, I went to my doctor to get some answers. I walked into the office and the nurse looked and me and said, you are having a neurological problem you need to go the hospital right now!

I was in the ER, waiting to be taken to a room when my Senior Pastor walked in. I was already on edge because we had no idea what was happening. She was a source of comfort that I needed. She walked to my bed and looking at me, almost eye to eye, putting her hand on me, taking a breath and clearing her throat and saying, “Well, this is not the way to end your first retreat”. (gesture to represent man in front of Jesus)

Most of the next couple of days is a blur, I remember only bits and pieces of my time in the hospital. It was a total of 5 days with lots of tests. The diagnosis was, I had a stroke, a blood clot in my brain had caused weakness to my left side. A stroke, at 22. Nothing prepares us for the unexpected.

In the gospels stories of Jesus, there are minor characters that often play major roles. In this setting we have a paralyzed man. A paralyzed man in the context of Israel was an outsider, not as bad as a leper but most likely ignored by society. But, this man was lucky he had friends, people who took him from place to place and in many ways cared for him.

The gospel never describes how this man interacting with Jesus becomes paralyzed. What we know about antiquity is the social location paralyzed people took. They were left to beg for charity to beg for help. This man requires the help of others to move him, bathe him, get him food, cook for him, every living function required help from someone. In a hospital, we require the help of others to care for us. We give up control to doctors and nurses. It is not easy or comfortable to need help. But, there are times when we must rely on others, when we have to be lowered into the presence of God. (gesture to represent man in front of Jesus)

Jesus, looking at the man, looks up and sees his friends peering through the gaping hole in the roof. Jesus looks back at the man and speaks to him. Jesus offers him grace and compassion. Jesus gives. Jesus heals.

Change. The recovery. I was lucky? I was spared any MAJOR lasting effects of the stroke. I had some short-term weakness that, through physical therapy was resolved but my recovery was anything but pleasant. My life was not the same. I could not drive. I could not work as I had before. I could not control my life. I’d done it all myself before, but now it was different, now I needed help. I had to let people take on certain roles. My mother had to drive me to work. I had to have blood checked on a monthly basis. I had to manage medication. No, it was not a horrible transition but it was a change from the way things were. And I mourned the way things were, I grieved to have my old life back before the unexpected came. I was angry, I was hurt. My entire life changed after my stroke.

We have to learn to let others help us. This is not always the way society thinks, we are told to be resilient and reliant on ourselves. We are told trust no one. We can save ourselves. Our culture has bread these stigmas: There are stigmas about seeking counseling and taking depression medication. There is the stigma associated with the fear of asking to talk with a Pastor or a religious leader. There is a huge market for self-help books; some from a religious perspective others from a psychological perspective. Either way they give the illusion we can do everything on our own. I believe that these stigmas and examples are not life-giving. They only add to our despair and suffering. We need each other and we need a God who will look us in the face. (gesture with arms outstretched again)

I’m not very willing, even today, to let others carry me when I am burdened. I have this false sense that I must stand strong, being an example of the steadfastness found in faithful people. This is life-destroying rather than life-giving.

We cannot journey alone in the world and we must share our lives or we will be consumed by our suffering. Pastoral Care Theologian, Sharon Thornton, says, “Consider the darkness of suffering, the mystery of suffering for which there is no answer, there is only response. Part of this mystery is this, when I allow you to enter my suffering or when you allow me to enter yours, the darkness is lifted. Our connectedness allows us to envelope our individual suffering”. Suffering is consuming ultimately destroys us. Sharing our suffering and experience allows it to be released into the world. But, we also have to share our suffering with God. This is not a journey alone. God knows our suffering. A journey in the darkness is never completely without some light. The light of God shines through, pushing us to share our darkness with others to create more light.

A year later, almost to the day I was back at that southeastern retreat center on a trip with youth. What the youth didn’t know is I visited the camp the day before. I needed to bring supplies down and set-up and it was time to do some healing. I parked the car, got out and walked across a gravel road towards that spot. No noise, just the sound of my feet crunching, towards that place where my life changed forever, where every struggle of the previous year began. I stood at the spot, letting the wind whirl around me, letting God help me heal. And these words from a Hootie and the Blowfish song came to my mind,

Yesterday, I saw you standing there

Your head was down your eyes were red

I said get up, and let me see your smile

We’ll walk the road together, for awhile

Hold my hand, just hold my hand

Because I want to love you the best I can.

I stood up, took my pain and suffering and I walked away from that spot. I have a very clear image of God standing with me – walking with me – loving me. My mat, comes with me, I don’t lie on it anymore.

Where does the man go from here? Our story leaves us with little to ponder, other than he stood up, took his mat and left the house out the front door and not the ceiling. The important piece here is he took his mat with him. The thing that kept him connected, and together, the tangible object that identified his paralysis, he took it with him. The unexpected, changes in life always stay with us. They become part of our journey and part of how we represent ourselves to the world.

You can imagine how I have gravitated towards this story. I have thought of it often because throughout my journey I have seen my self as the paralytic man, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Whether I am needing to feel the eyes of Christ on me, or learn to let my friends carry me, whether I need healed or I need to pickup my hurt and carry it with me while I continue the journey – at some point, maybe often we all journey as the paralytic man. We all need the love of God, we all need to let others bear our weight, we all need to let something go and we all continue to walk through life with our mats.

Don’t worry; you didn’t miss the class in school where they taught people how to deal with the unexpected in life. No one prepares us to move forward into something new and different. No one prepares us for how we will feel and grow when life changes. No one teaches us to deal with tragedy. No one teaches us to deal with sorrow or heart-ache.

But, the unexpected changes us. We don’t leave the same way we arrived. We are different. We arrive through the roof, sometimes dangling from the ropes of friends letting our suffering look into the eyes of God. And we leave by the front door, taking the unexpected with us, but we carry the mat now, instead of lying on it.

Amen.

Something New...

2008-09-19T23:16:00.005-06:00

I'm in Estes Park at a retreat center for the Board of Trustees for Iliff. It is great to interact with the leaders (movers and shakers) of the institution. But, more so, it is important that the student's voice is represented. While I may be the elected Representative, am I really the one who needs to be speaking? How do I balance my own personal viewpoints with the opinions of the student body, especially when the two are in tension? Thomas Jefferson said that is the single dilemma for any elected official - how to speak for an entire constituency when you cannot possibly represent every ideal. Taking this concept a step further into the world of the marginalized, I, the white under 30 heterosexual male, represent a community varied in age, race, sexual orientation, social status, life goals, purposes for being at Iliff, and value systems. Why am I the Representative? Because I ran for office? Because I feel I have something to say? Because I want to try to represent the concerns of students to the institution's leaders? Because I might be able represent the concerns of the marginalized in a realm of power and domination? Maybe this is how Moses felt, inadequate, unfit, overwhelmed, and humbled (very humbled).

And yet, God used Moses for a greater purpose, and may it be so with us.

A quick prayer of thanks to HaShem (For my Hebrew Bible friends) for leading me to Iliff and a new inclusive worldview.

Points to Ponder at the DNC

2008-08-26T23:42:00.004-06:00

First, I was watching Hillary's entrance into the DNC and I admit, I got teared up with the music and her words. I haven't really been a Hillary fan but I was moved by her words, concerns, and passion to change this country. Further, her speech was amazing. Speaking for the invisible and oppressed--I loved that phrase-"those invisible to the government". Let's care for those persecuted in Darfur but also the ignored on our street corner.

Second, MSNBC is adding a new political commentator. Her name is Rachel Marrow and she is awesome. A progressive, lesbian who will anchor a network show in prime-time. Beginning Sept. 8 at 8 pm (CST). Why is this a big deal for a white, heterosexual male? Because she was and is the invisible. The church is guilty to not seeing the GLBT community along with disabilities, special needs, and other groups of people who have been wounded by Christians and the church.

Third, why am I a democrat? I was having a discussion with a family member and we were talking about how I purchased an Obama T-shirt. This persons' response was I needed to leave the dark side. My entire family is republican. I don't feel like a black sheep but I don't bring lots of subjects up at home: guns, abortion, nuclear weapons, justice issues - illegal imprisonment, immigrants rights, and ecology. I do support and stand for my position with the GLBT community as an ally. So, why do I claim to be a democrat? My political beliefs and values are not always in sync with the democrat party. I think people should be allowed to have guns. I'm against abortion as contraceptive. I'm fiscally conservative. Why am I a democrat? Because the democrats care for the little invisible, oppressed people. Do I agree with every part of the party platform? No. But, I see the democrats caring for people.

An Early Morning...

2008-08-21T10:04:00.000-06:00

It's 6:29 am. I'm sitting at my dad's desk on the second floor of this home. Looking out the window at Tropical Storm Eduard. Palm trees bent over from the blowing wind. Rain – sprinkling and then downpour, sprinkling and downpour. The sun is just rising, still dark out but light enough to see around. Read my sermon text for Sunday, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. We look to what cannot be seen, for it is the eternal. I’m sure Paul is talking about salvation in a Jesus we cannot see. But, there are so many unseen eternal things. Where will I be in 2 years? Who will I be when I’m done with my education? What am I becoming? Who am I becoming?
Seminary is about transformation, changing one’s self. I’m becoming so many things and trying to change other things in an attempt to be who I want to be. I have a dream of the pastor I will be, the preacher I will become, and attempting to live into the child of God I know I am. Poet Mattie Stepanek writes about dream but more important he writes about the vision that comes out of dreaming.
“Last night, I had a dream. A spectacular dream. An enchanting dream. A vision of a dream to be true. When you have the vision to look.” Are we visioning ourselves? Are we dreaming as big a Martin Luther King Jr.? Are we dreaming as small a child? Are we fighting to make our dreams come true?

My Kingdom...God's Reign

2008-07-23T16:08:00.002-06:00

Reading for Sunday
July 20, 2008

One continuing theme of Christian theology is the understanding of God’s kingdom ruling the earth. Instead of kingdom can we say God’s queendom ruling the earth? God’s queerdom ruling the earth? And yet, all/both sound domineering and oppressive. How about something different, contemporary theologians would call it, the reign of God? This influence of the kingdom has permeated our American society since its inception. The Puritans fled England looking for a pure society, a pure time. Protestantism has linked the forecoming kingdom to political crusades: antislavery and women’s suffrage. Further, visions of the kingdom fueled the social gospel movement and progressive theology. Today, evangelicals have used the coming kingdom, to embrace apocalyptic-end of the world theology and politics. The Left Behind phenomenon is an example of this end of age literature and belief. The reign of God is somewhere in this diverse theology, these messy politics, and our human engagement. Our first reading is verse of a traditional hymn from Spain, You Are the Seed.

You are the life that will nurture the plant
You’re the waves in a turbulent sea
Yesterday’s yeast is beginning to rise
A new loaf of bread it will yield
May your good deed show a world in despair
A path that will lead all to God
You are the new kingdom built on a rock
Where justice and truth always reign

What does the reign of God look like? Jesus told many parables. And sometimes I wish he hadn’t. They can be confusing. Often they illustrated a way to live in the world that was an alternative to the accepted norms of 1st Century Judaism, or even the social norms of 21st Century Christianity. The parable of the sower, found in Matthew 13 stresses the presence of God in our world.

He put before them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to someone who sowed good seed in his field; but while everybody was asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and then went away. So, when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared as well. And the slaves of the householder came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where, then, did these weeds come from?’ He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The slaves said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ But he replied, ‘No; for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat along with them. Let both of them grow together until the harvest; and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Collect the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.’”

The presence of God’s reign, of the kingdom of truth and justice. The kingdom Jesus is referring to is here, now, we are living in it. In the Bible, the harvest is a symbol of the new age, of an intended adjustment of the social order. But, Jesus is not finished yet, he continues by explaining the parable of the sower.

“Then he left the crowds and went into the house. And his disciples approached him, saying, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds of the field.” He answered, “The one who sows the good seed is the Son of Man; the field is the world and the good seed are the children of the kingdom; the weeds are the children of the evil once, and the enemy who sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are angels. Just as the weeds are collected and burned up with fire, so will it be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will collect out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all evildoers, and they will throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Let anyone with ears listen!”

So, we have the kingdom now and the kingdom to come after the harvest. We have the already and the not yet view of the world. You may be like me and balk at Jesus’ language, evildoers being thrown into the furnace of fire; it is slightly problematic with my theology. What is Jesus talking about? And who gets “classified” as an evildoer. Further, why did Jesus leave the crowd and then explain the story? Why are the people, excluded? Paul jumps onto the kingdom of God bandwagon, but Paul was expecting Jesus imminent return. Romans 8.

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God; for the creation was subjected to futility, that the creation will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Paul is suffering, as we can relate to, and he needs relief from his plight. He expects Jesus to return and thus the kingdom of God to reign now…now…now…maybe at noon? Jesus parable explains that the reign of God is here/now and yet will also come tomorrow? Do I dare say Paul was misguided? Or missed the reign around him? That is probably unfair to Paul, as he really did think the kingdom would return with Jesus. Paul says, “if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it”. Recognizing the reign of God, it may be here, but the future may also hold illumination for us. Either way the reign of God is here and there. The reign of God is not beginning or ending, it is ever present. Psalm 139.

Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heave, you are there; if I make my bed I Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand will lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me and the light around me become night”, even the darkness is not dark to you, the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.

My Kingdom…God’s Reign

I love the image of this parable; the wheat, the harvest. I am from a state where wheat is a huge commodity, a way of life. I know what harvest means to farmers. It is life and death. At harvest, farmers spend days doing nothing but cutting wheat, emptying grain into wheat trucks and silos, taking time at supper to eat fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and tea out of the trunk of a car or on the tailgate of a pick-up. Harvest is about survival. Harvest is about community. Harvest is about continuation of life.

Maybe I love this parable because I love the image of golden heat across a Kansas landscape. Amy thinks I’m crazy when I say I love driving through Western Kansas. You know that long 4 hours with nothing but waving fields of gold. Where there are few people and even fewer rest-stops. Maybe you can relate to me with something else. Maybe for you the fields of wheat are snowy mountains – deep valleys or wide open spaces of desert. This is the landscape of our lives. It is in these places we know God, we feel the presence, we acknowledge the larger creation story unfolding in our lives. But, this is not the God presence in the parable. Nature is not the reign of God we are looking to discover. The reign of God is so much different. Jesus was talking about something beyond the creation of our world. The psalmist captures it, by using nature as an illustration, “Where can I go from your presence?”

Being from Kansas, I understand the weeds in the wheat metaphor. Weeds can destroy a crop, cripple a harvest, and financially ruin a family. Weeds are dangerous. Weeds are a metaphor for our lives. They can represent anything, the list is endless. Our break from God, our treatment of each other, our abuse of ourselves. We can call it sin, we can call it destruction, webs of violence, loss, and grief. The weeds are dangerous. They separate us. They are our privilege and we use them to our fullest exploitation.

We have work to do in the harvest. We need to clean the weeds out. Have you ever pulled weeds? One summer, my dad agreed to pay my sister and I a dime per weed we pulled, with the root intact. I think I pulled half a bucket but got bored very quickly. My sister, pulled weed after weed after weed; bucket after bucket after bucket. Do you have weeds to pull?

What does the reign of God look like? Where do you see the children of the kingdom? Where do you see fulfillment? The reign of God has become a technical term in theology, a symbol of Jesus’ message. The reign of God is more than scholastic thought; it is the debunking of systems that enact values which deny God’s dignity to every human being. The reign of God is real in our world. It is not a way of doing ministry, but fighting to bring God’s desire for righteousness into our world.

What does the reign of God look like? Where, in your life, do you see the kingdom?

Living inside the church, in the reign of God means taking care of people. Taking care of people comes in many ways: praying for the pained, the oppressed, and the downcast; giving of our time to help with the ministries of the church: children, youth, choir, reading scripture, and participating with Warren Village. These are all some of the ways we extend God’s grace of the kingdom to our community and ourselves. We have a need to extend the reign of God to Christ church members today. Ray Cooney has been in the hospital this past week and he and Teresa are in need some meal assistance. If you are willing to bake a casserole, make sloppy joes, or take soup to Ray and Teresa see Cle after the service. She will sign you up to extend the reign. “Where can’t I go from your presence?”

When kingdom theology is places aside the parable of the wheat, the weeds become something very specific. The weeds are ego. When I claim my kingdom as God’s kingdom, the weeds of ego take control of the wheat and destroy the harvest. My justice becomes God’s justice and this is not a place of affirmation and grace. My kingdom does not equate God’s reign on earth.

Living outside the church, in the reign of God means taking care of people, too. I have a confession to make, I am obsessed with online news media. I constantly check MSNBC’s website (not in class though) I read the Denver Post online and I even make sure I stay current to the goings-on in Kansas. How many of you read the paper? Check online news sites? Watch the evening news? I’m a news junkie. I read these stories and my ego, my weeds of my kingdom make me place my justice on these stories – these situations – these people. If you visit an online news site, you can find attached to stories places for readers to comment on the story. A place to post your thoughts on the situation. I enjoy reading these comments because they are truly entertaining. And I enjoy commenting on them too.

I want to tell you this story. A young man in his late twenties, named Will. I wish Will’s background had a positive direction, it does not. Will is an addict. Drugs and alcohol have lead to destructive patterns. He’s been in rehab but can’t move into a web of life. Two weeks, ago the story came across the news that Will was the victim of a shooting. He was shot in the back and the bullet went through his lung, exiting the front of his chest. He was air-lifted to a major-city hospital, listed in critical condition. Will is set to be released from the hospital tomorrow. He is lucky to be alive. But, there is added drama: who was he shot by? Will was shot by his mother’s boyfriend, who has been charged in this case. This is clearly an example of domestic violence. I’m not excusing Will’s behavior or part in this situation. But I clearly see love is not present when I went to read the comments in the on-line newspaper, and here is what I read:
“ If it was me, he would not be recuperating in a hospital, he would be decomposing in a morgue”
“This could be on Jerry Springer”
“I would have shot a dead-beat, drug addict kid too”
All these comments from people, who weren’t there, don’t know the situation and aren’t going to see the rest of the story unfold.
This is not an unknown person. Will is not another face on the TV, another name in the news. Will has a father, his name is Michael and Michael is married to my mom. Will is my brother, albeit a step-brother but he is family. We’ve spent Christmas and Thanksgiving together. There is a connection. I know him. Where is the reign of God in this? Not just in the lives but in the news comment. Where is the grace? Where is the forgiveness? “Where can I go from your presence?”

When you pass judgment on a news story, do you stop to think? This is someone’s child, someone’s parent, someone’s friend, someone’s relative, someone’s sibling, someone’s partner. This is a person of the Divine. When you see that face on the evening news, do you pause and wonder (how is this family coping with this tragedy?), or is it another face in this world. Diana Butler Bass gives extends a vision of God’s kingdom where the only extreme is love. What does it look like to extend love? One extreme is hate and anger, the other apathy. Love is in the center, love is the vision of the kingdom. How would news media react if, instead of being taken into their power-filled rhetoric, into their attempt to “stir the pot” we filled their comment sections with notes of love? We restore love into the politics of God’s reign. We show the city of love is present. Are we persons of love who share love with others?

The parable of the weeds is a story of restoration. In the harvest, the weeds are pulled and separated from the wheat. The wheat is restored. We are restored as well. We may be restored in the reign of God today, right now. We may be restored when the harvest comes, in the future. We are restored in life, restored with community, and restored with hope. The reign of God is ours to live into. Mortimer Arias claims the reign of God as a means to “look afresh upon our world and transform it”. The ground of our hope is not the guarantee of victory but the struggle itself for a more just world – where every living being is regarded as the image of God.

The reign of God passes through suffering, rejection, persecution, and death to restore us to life. To enter into the reign of God, is to enter into life. Jesus proclaimed the kingdom was here, now. Walter Rauschenbusch says, “seize what has now come so near”. “Where can I go from your presence?” Hallowed be thy name, Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth.

Shovels and Brooms

2008-07-23T16:02:00.001-06:00

Psychologists tell us that we are born with two primary fears, the fear of falling and the fear of noise; but as we grow we soon develop many more fears. In 1991, a movie called, What About Bob came out.
Why don't I start ?
The simplest way to put it,
I have problems.
I worry about diseases, So,
I have trouble touching things,
In public places it's almost impossible.
I have a real big problem moving.
As long as I'm in my apartment, I'm ok.
But when I go out, I get Weird.
Well, I get spasms.
Cold sweats,
Hot Sweats,
Difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing,
Blind Vision, involuntary trembles
Numb lips.
Finger nails sensitivity,

The doctor responds.
Are you afraid of something?
What is that you're truly afraid of ..

What do we fear?

My fear can certainly get the better of me. Even turn into panic and paranoia. If Amy were here she would be happy to laugh at my ‘cowardness’. I don’t like the dark. I’m 29 years old and if Amy is not next to me in bed, I sleep with a night light on. I fear the dark!

What are you truly afraid of?
Terrorism. Identity theft. Death. Is job security on your mind? Will your retirement be enough? Will your children cross their hurdles without pain? Do you have enough gas to get to work? Does God love me? Will the war spill over, here? Is it possible you might fear other Christians?

Matthew 10:26 says, “so, have no fear of them”. It is them that I fear the most. We could define them in many ways but I’m using ‘other Christians’. Let me narrow my definition of other Christians, to be explicit.

I fear when our faith is used to manipulate others into belief. I think we already face environments of fear and abuse, church should not continue to be an institution of terror. But, a place where love is lived. Fear is not conducive to faith but a detractor.

When fear is used as a tactic for belief in God and not a conscious choice. We have done wrong when we begin with fear and not love.

At Iliff, I have a classmate who recently adopted a baby girl with her partner. Some of my classmates decided we would have a shower after class for her. She walked out of class to find a table full of diapers and baby supplies. She looked at that table began to cry. She told us how her family did not have a celebration of any kind for her or her partner. She turned to us and said, You guys have totally destroyed my image of Christians. Her experience with Christians was fear, not love.

We have all had bad encounters with Christians. Those that speak with hate about love. What love does most of all is leave you safe, and standing tall. Any other kind of love is a disease. We are called to use this love well, in faith, for others.

If God is love…where doe fear fit in into our Christian doctrine? I spent the week at a camp in Eastern Kansas, actually is was at a Methodist college so no campfires or bugs. It was amazing to sit with 8 youth twice daily and dive into deep faith conversations. They know fear, it’s a constant in their lives. But, they don’t have a balance of fear and love, there is a skewed one-sided faith that is being presented to them. One evening, they performed a drama interpretation of a song. This skit began with a young woman encountering Jesus and the love of Christ. But, this love was portrayed as playful and romantic. As the skit progressed, she moved away from Jesus toward other influences: drugs, drinking, self-mutilation, and suicide. Then the skit turned violent into a ‘battle’ between the demons and Jesus. It ends with the sacrifice of Christ for the young woman. I struggled with this skit because it does represent our faith tradition, Jesus dies for us but the hope of Christ was not represented. Our fear is REAL but is our love just as REAL. Does it have the same passion and influence as our fear?
The God of fear is not my God. The God I experience is a God of love. God is love, first, foremost, and last. The question is: do we know the radical love of Jesus. Do we live the radical love of Jesus?

Live without fear
How do we live without fear? Is it even possible? I think fear is here to stay so we have to acknowledge this fear and find a response.

During camp, the youth were encouraged to share their faith stories. These are amazing moments during worship, 3 minutes, where the youth shared tragedy, triumph, and belief. Caitlyn shared her story one evening. She shared that her parent’s had separated and she was forced to drive her sisters between them every weekend. This caused her to feel alienated, angered, and she belittled her young siblings. One evening as she was driving, her left tire blew, the tread shredding off and the car was catapulted threw the air, rolling and rolling, finally landing in the ditch. Caitlyn’s fear in this moment, fear for herself, fear of death, anger at her siblings was totally erased. Her only thought was, had she buckled their seatbelts. The deep love for her sisters caused her fear to vanish and her love to radiate. They were lucky, no long-lasting injuries. But, it is a powerful image of letting love shine through our fear.

This may be controversial. There is a large amount of Biblical language indicating we are to fear God. I cannot do this. I do not fear God. I can’t fear love. I want love. I want to be loved. I want God in my life. I have faith in God and if I believe that our faith will fight our fear. Leaning into God, centering ourselves in Christ, letting in the Spirit of hope. Our faith is a foundation for life and love.
Author Philip Yancey tells of a time in 1979 when he was on a houseboat off the coast of Miami awaiting Hurricane David. His first inclination is to strap down the boat, to secure it.
We do the same with our life. Strap it down, keep it safe, secure it. Fortunately, a seasoned sailor came by and saw what was happening. The sailor said, “Tie her to the land and you’ll regret it. Those trees are gonna get eaten by the (hurri)’cane. Your only hope is to anchor it deep.”
Great advice for houseboats in hurricanes and for holding onto our faith. It is in setting the anchor deep in the love of God that we find our hope. It is not in strapping down and attempting to shelter ourselves from life’s trauma; it is in setting the anchor deep in our faith that we are able to weather the fears of life.
Facing fear is tough. Being a Christian who responds with love and not fear is tough. Having the courage to act is tough, because the act of our faith is a gutsy thing to do in this world.

Proclaim Your Christianity
Are you living your Christianity in your life? I’m talking about in your life away from Christ church. It’s easy to live the Christianity we believe here but in the other world, it is very difficult. Vance Havner, a southern preacher says, A soft and sheltered Christianity, afraid to be lean and lone, unwilling to face the storms and brave the heights, will end up fat and foul in the cages of conformity. Are we afraid to admit to our beliefs? Are we willing to face this fear and proclaim our Christianity?

Today, several in our congregation are proving God’s love. They are saying, I’m a Christian, and I love you with no boundaries, qualification, limits, or stigmas. Today, they are walking in the Gay Pride Parade. What a testament to proving the love of God.
Our gospel lesson continues when Jesus tells the disciples, What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. Proclaim what Jesus has told you. Proclaim what Jesus has told you. Proclaim what you believe, stand up tall for the persecuted, marginalized. Prove that love can conquer fear.
Are you scared to admit you are a Christian?

And then at camp, there was Alan. Alan is a young man who has deep faith and a variety of friends. He’s captain of Fellowship of Christian Athletes, President of his youth group, member of the Conference Council of Youth Ministries, and struggling with a heavy weight. Bryce has some friends that challenge his beliefs. He is friends with non-believers. He is friends with loosy-goosy Christians (his term). And his best friend is gay. Alan came to camp not knowing what to do. He fears how he will be treated in school. He fears what his response is supposed to be. In our discussions, we all agreed God is love. I asked Alan what do you need to prove to your friend? He said, that Christians are about love and not hate. So, what will you do Alan? Be the friend I’m supposed to be. Alan had to prove his love to himself before he can go back and prove it to others.

There was a Christian Bishop living in Caesarea in the 4th Century who would become known as St. Basil. He fought for the poor and underprivileged and believed in the merits of manual labor in monastic life. He says the road of fear is smoothed with shovels and brooms.

I flew back last night from camp. I really try not to use the word, HATE. So, I really really really really really don’t like flying. It is unnatural and not a normal feeling. And we had some rough turbulence last night. I don’t like that even more. My anxiety was high, but there not much you can do locked in a tube flying 481 miles an hour through the air at 35,465 feet. (They have those neat little maps that tell you where you are and how high and how fast you are going, like that helps either!) And I could not think of any comforting words to calm my fear, I was trying to read but could not concentrate. I tried to sing some lyrics in my mind and couldn’t think of anything. So, I grabbed my ipod and ran through some favorite songs. This made it a little better. And suddenly, the sun burst through the clouds, the light had entered the darkness. And above clouds there is virtually no turbulence.

We walk in a trouble world, a world where the road is filled with debris. It is filled with our fears, making the road rough and impassible. We have to take our shovels and clear the road—fill in holes of darkness with the light of Christ. We have to take our brooms and sweep away the piles of dirt, sweep away the fears, making the road manageable. And when we do this for ourselves, more importantly, we prove a God of love to others. It is not a road we walk alone but a road we clear for all God’s people. Grab your shovel, grab your broom and clean the road for others to come to God.

LadyBug

2008-06-29T01:18:00.007-06:00

Amy and I have a dog, her name is LadyBug. Here's her picture as we are headed for the dogpark. She goes into the small dog section because she is scared of the big dogs. LadyBug just got a new bed and all she does is sleep in it!!

Ladybug--getting a pool massage from Cindy.

Ladybug's friends, Murphy and Bailey.

Walking Towards New Jerusalem

2008-06-24T22:14:00.002-06:00

What’s Happening in Isaiah?
In Seminary I have become fascinated with the exilic literature (Writings during the time when the people of Israel were exiled from the land.). Third Isaiah has always been a source of strength, and hope, for me; a book that weaves beautiful phrases of God’s love and God’s presence. But, in Seminary I have come to love it even more, because now I know what it is saying, what is happening in the story.

Let us begin by going back in the story, we need to remember. During the invasion by the Babylonians, the temple-the place the Israelites believed God resided, and Jerusalem was destroyed, and the Israelites were taken into captivity back to Babylonia. They spent seventy years in captivity when the Persian King Cyrus comes to power. Now, Cyrus, released the captured Israelites and allowed them to return to Jerusalem, a sacked city with a destroyed temple. I’m sure it was a great hopeful place to return (sarcastically), perhaps even desolate as returning to New Orleans after Katrina.

In our passage for today, the Israelites are really unsure about going back to a deserted place. But nevertheless, they begin the long walk back, over 800 miles, it is safe to say they had several months to lament what they were going back too, to remember how far they had come but how far they had to go. The Israelites lament to God about their condition, they mourn that those killed in the destruction of Jerusalem, those that died in Babylonia, and those that had been dispersed to the hills of Judea or to Egypt would not be coming back. But, through the prophet Isaiah, God declares a new order for their return. That one day, all would be renewed. All would come out of the darkness, all would eat and drink, all would be comforted, and all would be restored. The New Jerusalem.

The prophet speaks to Jews in exile, people convinced that their situation is hopeless, people convinced that God has completely forgotten them. And so, the people continue to put one foot in front of another and walk into Jerusalem.

Walking
My best friend is a teacher in Wichita, Ks. Darham is the head cross country coach for East High School, but Darham is also a life-challenger. He pushes his students to move beyond their small world in Kansas, into global thinking. In the fall, he and several students were joking about running across the country. What began as laughter, has turned into a mission, a mission to bring global awareness to Wichita, Kansas. The students will run the 1300 miles from Wichita to Washington D.C. Can you imagine running 1300 miles? They hope to raise $100,000 to bring awareness to the genocide in Darfur. Seven students will run 13 miles a day, rotating across the country. It will take them 14 days to reach D.C. They are walking towards something. Something greater than themselves, something for others, something to bring hope into the world.

Have you ever walked for a cause? Cancer? AIDS? Hunger? Race for the Cure is June 7th. The AIDS walk is in September, Crop walk is in October. All these are walks for awarenes to the world’s greatest problems. Will you participate? Is seems that walking is part of our heritage. We walk towards a goal. We walk to eradicate hunger. We walk to stop AIDS. We walk for those that can’t walk anymore. We walk towards hope.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day and this brings to mind stories my dad told me of his days in the United States Marine Corps. He told me stories of walking in boot camp. They walked and walked and walked, it must have been similar for the Israelites. He said several times he fell asleep while walking and would jolt himself awake and look around to figure out where he was. That’s a lot of walking, when you walk yourself to sleep. On the altar are some boots, boots of a soldier who walked, like my dad walked, like the Israelites walked, like we walk.

We might disagree with the wars of today, or even the wars of the past. But, soldiers have to believe they are walking towards change, towards hope. We might not all agree on how to resolve the conflict of this world. But, might we all dream that peace will prevail.

Hope: Illusive versus Real
I struggle with this word, hope, it teases us into optimism. This hope nudges us to say we can solve the world’s problems.
We can invest time and resources in developing new medicines, instead of new weapons.
We can reduce hunger.
We can get Palestinians and Israelis, Sunnis and Shiites, Pakistanis and Indians, Chechens and Russians, Muslims and Christians to start talking with each other.
We can narrow the gap between the rich and the poor.
But, this hope is an illusion, because we have been working on ending world hunger for 30 years, we have been working on ending conflict around the globe since the world began, and we have been developing medicines since the Middle ages, but disease still runs rampant, people still starve to death, and the war is still here. This hope is illusive, fleeting, and disheartening. But, don’t give up.

Sometimes it is difficult to see hope in our life, to live into the presence of the Almighty.

Two weeks ago, I was in Wichita to be evaluated for my fitness to be a Candidate for Ministry. It was an hour and a half interview. I was approved! So, step 8 of 30 is complete. At one point, they turned to me and said, What is your theology of suffering? I’m a first-year Seminary student…this was a heavy question. I responded that in the very depths of grief, it is hard to feel and know the presence of God. It is only in processing that we can look back, with retrospect and see God moving, and even than it is hard to have hope in a God where suffering, pain, and despair are present. I don’t have great answers to this question…hope is illusive and difficult to find at times in our lives.
And yet hope remains. I believe we must lean into this hope.

There is a United Methodist Pastor in Texas, who was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. She was given 6 months to live, that was two years ago. She has leaned into hope, in the midst of pain and suffering. But, she has no illusions, either. During General Conference, she met with some Youth Leaders and thanked them for their work with youth. She said, “I have no illusions I will be here in another three years, my hope is in the future, it is in you, who will help to guide my child and my family, who will provide for our world.” No illusions, but still hope in the future reigns eternal. She walks in her faith, towards God.

There are many views on what the New Jerusalem is. And I’m not trying to tell you what it has to be or what it looks like but I do want you to believe that it is possible to have hope that allows you to move towards that place.

Resurrection Hope
Hope is different from optimism. It’s not that we think the earth will last forever or that we will last forever or that we will be spared the suffering and loss that come with this human experience. Hope means that we live in expectation of another resurrection. There is another hope, a hope beyond this world, a hope that people of faith live into.
Resurrection will unite us with the realized New Jerusalem, a place where there is no need for hope, where all has been achieved, all is realized.

Hope has nothing to do about being optimistic, believing that someday people can learn to listen to each other, believing that someday people will work together for the common good. Hope is rooted in faith, in believing that God can and will do for us what is impossible for us to do ourselves.

Early Christian theologians believed in restoration of Jerusalem, through the resurrection of Christ. Christ walked into Jerusalem; his resurrection marked the fulfillment of hope. Origen, the apologist stated that, “We are not to take the interpretation of the promises recorded in the prophets – especially those of Isaiah-as though we were to look for their fulfillment in connection with the Jerusalem on earth.” New Jerusalem will be fulfilled in the eternal, in the mystery of faith, in the hope of Jesus Christ. I have hope that I will see the world changed in 50 years. While that hope is an illusion, or not, that hope will be realized, one day, in New Jerusalem.

On Aug. 29, 2006, the one-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, a young photojournalist wrote this on his blog:

Today is hope for me. It’s still too enormous for me to get my head around, so I won’t try. Words are often useless for me, so instead a simple photograph of my mom’s New Jerusalem (For her, hope was realized in her home, a place where all things were made whole, restored) She’s sitting on the front porch of what will be her new home. It’s risen on the foundation of the home Katrina destroyed, only steps away from her FEMA trailer, and every day she look out the trailer window and she whispers, “Thank you, Jesus”
It’s been built by the sweat and love of volunteers from all over the country. From all walks of life, they’ve come into the Gulf to help their brothers and sisters. Normal, average Americans, disgusted by their government’s inaction, they’ve picked up hammers and done it themselves.
One day there’s a moldering heap of rubble, the next day hippie volunteers from California bulldoze it and take the old house away. One day it’s a flat slab of concrete, the next a pre-fab home kit is delivered and installed by New Hope Construction. One day there’s a jumble of materials, the next a church group from Oregon shows up and builds the frame. A little later a group shows up from Pennsylvania and paints it my mom’s favorite shade of green, and puts a tin roof on so she can hear the rain fall at night. And not to be outdone, a group from Alabama comes over and sheet rocks the interior, then comes back and builds her a deck for good measure.
We may have far to go, but we’ve come a long way.

This is the progression of hope in our world. We put one foot in front of another, one day at a time; we walk forward to work for change in our world. To realize hope, to bring New Jerusalem.

The importance of New Jerusalem for Resurrection people is that God is present. Present in our hope for this world, and present in the mystery of the next.
In Isaiah, God said I will never forget you. As the Israelites, walked home, God did not forget them, God walked with them. They had hope, walking along the road that God would not forget, that God would remember. That God would be with them.
I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands.
I will never forget….you.

Teresa of Avila, Christian mystic, says “The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too”. Resurrection means new life in the Divine. God is on this journey with us, and this gives us eternal hope.

I hope you will take a moment, this morning, today, tomorrow to remember those that you may have forgotten, remember those that have walked towards hope (Touch Boots on Altar), to remember God is with us, and remember that hope is not an illusion but is real in our lives.

The eternal news of Isaiah is: God walks with us into New Jerusalem, into a realized hope.

Making a difference...

2008-06-24T20:03:00.003-06:00

What would you be willing to do? To make a diffierence in this world. To change lives. To make an impact. What would you do? Where would you go? What would you give up?

Our Fellowship Hall is FULL of bikes. I mean bicycles. A group of thirty young people are biking from Virginia Beach, VA to Portland, OR. That's 3000 miles! On a bike. Talk about a sore ass. Anyways, their purpose is to stop in every major city and spend one full day working on a Habitat For Humanity build. 30 young adults giving up 3 months to bike across the country and help others. They've given up support systems, friends, pay, comfort, cleanliness, and air conditioning to help others. What would you give up? http://bikeandbuild.org/cms/

My friend Darham spent the early part of June coaching 7 hish school students running from Wichita, KS to Washington D.C. 1300 miles. Running! They did it to bring awareness for the genocide in Darfur. They gave up 3 weeks of summer vacation, hanging out with friends to face sore feet, hot days, and long highways of asphalt. They did this to help others, to make people remember that others are dying.

What would you be willing to give up to help others? I walked into the office yesterday and was just going to get some paper and go back to my papers. I had lots to do. While I was getting paper a young woman came into the office and asked if the PAstor was available. I made eye contact with the secretary saying, NO, don't even think about it. I wanted to turn her away. But, that didn't happen. I ended up talking with this woman for an hour and a half. I really had other things to do but I couldn't turn away God's own when her eyes filled with tears. We talked about a loving God versus a vengeful God. I'm glad I gave my time because God is in every sit down and chat, every person, and every act. She was seeking love in the church and I was able to give this to her. Thank you to the secretary who handed her to me.

what are you willing to give up? Can you spare an hour? Can you spare your time? Can you give of your heart? We have to be willing to be changed, hurt, and vulnerable to make a difference. Are you willing to be hurt? Are you willing to be changed? Are you willing to give to make a difference in your world?

A Week of Sadness and Hope

2008-05-04T18:02:00.002-06:00

What a week! I've seen so many amazing things this week. But, also some sad things, too In a week in which the United Methodist Church decided to incorporate exclusive language into the Discipline and continue to deny persons existence within the Body of Christ, it was a week of sadness and tears. However, there were (3) moments when "the Spirit of God descending like a dove" (Matthew 3:16) into my life.

1) Tuesday. A friend of ours from Iliff and her partner became foster-to-adopt parents for a little infant boy named, Joseph. Our class, prodded by our grace-filled professor, planned a Baby Shower after class for Tuesday. Our friend came out of class to presents, cupcakes, and people. All she could repeat was, "This is so nice", with tears flowing. Her family would not have a shower for her, so it was awesome to offer her an "alternative" view of Christianity.
2) Thursday. Following the decisions of the UM church on Wednesday and talking to friends at GC, I began to feel the pain of those being excluded in new ways. I decided we (unclear as to who we was at the time) needed to respond in prayer for those marginalized. So, I emailed the entire school and invited anyone and everyone to be present for a prayer meeting at noon. I don't know what my instigation was, other than to make a stand and response as an ally and a member of the UMC. I anticipated 5-6 fellow Methodist would show up. Was I ever surprised? 30 students: professors, allies, gays, straights, men, women, Methodists, UCC, Presbyterians, and Catholics, ordained, all children of God present to hold the Methodists in prayer. I have had two moments in my life when I truly felt the heart of God beating in me. The first was a prayer moment at a little white Methodist Church in the middle of the Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference as a 16-year old asked to lead prayer. The second, on Thursday, has defined my first year at Iliff. What a moment! To hear people pray for: love, to overcome fear, for hope and for all to be accepted into the flock. Remember: it's our church too and we are NOT leaving!!
3) Sunday. Wow! Words cannot even express the range of emotions I felt on Sunday. Sadness for our church, hope for our energy, strength for our fight, joy at a friend’s faith story, excitement at the possibilities, and amazement at the love of God radiating. Ben, our worship director, also directs the Gay Men’s Chorus. HOLY COW!! Go BEN! What an amazing group! I’ve never heard such a great group sing so powerfully, with such spirit, and conviction. Can they sing again next week? Following, their singing, He Ain’t Heavy, watching tears roll down faces of these gay men, experiencing their pain at my feet, I was expected to invite the congregation to pass the peace of Christ. Yeah Right! And then there was Avery’s heartfelt declaration of her call to ministry and her strength to express her faith journey to the congregation, just inspiring; not to mention the congregation’s overwhelming support of her following with an ovation that continued and continued. But, it was communion that moved me the most. Carolyn’s words, “we’ve been living under the table, eating the bread crumbs of communion and now it’s time to stand and take the bread for ourselves” and “Christ church is not the gay church but a church for all of God’s children”. I was moved by Mark Miller’s liturgical music setting from the Faith We Sing, watching people embrace Avery as she served them the grace of God, and experiencing God’s love move through the congregation. Plus, how often to Methodists sit in church for an hour and thirty minutes?

What an amazing week! What amazing communities I live in! What an amazing God, who shows me amazing things, every day!

Mentors

2008-04-28T10:02:00.009-06:00

A mentor helps you to perceive your own weaknesses and confront them with courage. The bond between mentor and protégé enables us to stay true to our chosen path until the very end. - Jewish Proverb

I've had a blessed life to have many mentors who have guided me and helped to reach my potential. Each has taught me something about myself and been an example of who I want to be in ministry and my life.

There was Linda and Anne. They were a pair. Opposites and yet they worked very well together at CHUM. Linda taught me the importance of managing the church and how it is a daily business. That the relationship is more important than any issue within, and to discern the mountain I want to die on. Anne taught me the importance of pastoral care and helping people journey through life. And, working together as a church staff and treating all staff as important and vital to the success of the team. Treating people as worthy of your time, especially support staff.

While most of these mentors have been about ministry and church, I've had two mentors who strengthened my faith and challenged me to live in Christ, daily. Steve and Bart, with a little Darham thrown in too. We used to meet once a week, for theological debates. And while sometimes, I didn't agree with them, we loved each throughout the process.

Charlie and George. Two deceased pastors. Charlie taught me that church HAS to be a place of fun and laughter. Charlie was the first to "lighten my eyes" to my call to ministry. George taught me church HAS to be a place of love and acceptance for all. Both were preachers I want to be, storytellers of the old generation.

Now, Carolyn. She is the pastor at Christ Church, http://www.christchurchcolorado.org/. I hope to learn from her: self-care skills, pastoral care for those who are wearing the rubber of the road (bar ministry), and continue the preaching evolution.

I've led a blessed life of mentors. May God bless you with people who inspire, challenge, and encourage your life.

God-given opportunities

2008-04-28T09:47:00.003-06:00

So, when I came to Seminary, I had a plan! I wasn't going to work for a church, I was going to make money working for Starbucks. Great plan, except in Aug. of '07, they weren't hiring anyone. Plan B, work with something church related yet not in the church. Got a job as the Episcopal Office Intern for Bishop Warner Brown and the Rocky Mountain Conference. I enjoy it, learned alot about the Global United Methodist Church.

At Iliff we have to do a Basic Field Education for 10 weeks. I wanted to do a Police Chaplaincy, ride around in a cop car, sounded fun! Didn't work out. Tried the Fire Department, no as well. Needed something else to fulfill this requirement. A Pastor, Carolyn from Christ Church, came to my boss at the Episcopal Office and said she was looking for an Intern. She wanted to do a 10 week, "trial" period before it started. At the least I thought this would be my BFE. Well, as it turns out, I really missed church work. Now, I'm the Intern at both places!!

What I planned to do was not what God created me to do. I was going to make money to pay for Seminary at Starbucks and here I am back in the church. But, I am doing what I really want to do. Deep-down I'm doing what I know God wants me to do, preach. I was mad when certain opportunities closed, why had God led me here if the doors were not going to be opened to me. The answer: wrong door. I had to open the right door, the door that led me to fulfill my hunger and God's desire.

Emergent Church musings...

2008-04-12T17:55:00.003-06:00

So, I really wanted to go to this Emergent Church Conference this week but I had Influenza B. I was so sick, and didn't think I should infect people from across the country. Missed the entire conference, I was so bummed.
Anways, I spent the week reading a couple of Emergent Books: Generous Orthodoxy, Why We're Not Emergent, and started- althought its not probably Emergent material-Seeing Gray by Rev. Adam Hamilton.
I'm not sure what I think about Emergent, there's ALOT of stuff I like, some stuff I don't and much for the mind to ponder. I wish I was smarter to understand all the implications.

Bottom line: I'm finding people who support what I've been feeling (and quietly saying) for years:
I can be a liberal Christian and have Jesus as Savior -
I can live a social gospel and claim the resurrection as bodily.

Here's to the journey...

The downside of Lent...

2008-02-14T17:37:00.002-06:00

Can there be a downside to Lent? It is a time to grow and deepen one's faith the God. However, Lent is a litle depressing and gloom. I think this is important and intentional. It provides balance for our lives. We can't rejoice at Easter without walking through the trials of life. Each Sunday of Lent seems to focus on these issues: faith, belief, sin, relationships, and the life of Jesus.
Where do we go with it? This gloom and sorrow.
I haven't decided yet. But, as soon as I do I'll let you know!
Ponder this:
Ah! if you only knew the peace there is in an accepted sorrow.
Jeanne de la Motte-Guyton

What's with Tiglath Pilesar?

2008-01-15T17:28:00.000-06:00

So, I was asked what's with the title? Tiglath Pilesar Party of 2...

Well, we have this Bible professor and he says Hebrew Bible names are perfect for the hostesses at restaurants. Give them the name Sennacrib, Zerubbable or Tiglath-Pilesar III.

Sick sense of humor and I love it!!

TP III was the Assyrian King who conquered Samaria. There's your trivia for the day.

So, the rest of the story is this: I was eating with my friend Ben at Outback and we were meeting Amy for supper. Ben and I got there early and gave the name Tiglath-Pilesar. SO, I'm thinking Amy is going to die when she hears them call that name. Well, at Outback they've moved into the modern age and use the vibrating pager. Ben and I are laughing and Amy is missing the joke. It was quite sad.

The Bucket List

2008-01-15T16:53:00.000-06:00

Amy (the wife) and I went to see The Bucket List. I am always watching what critics are saying about movies and have come to the conclusion they don't usually like the movies I like. But, Bucket List was over the top on it's appeal for critics to bash. It seemed no critic liked this movie. So, what does this say? Are critics really in tune with society? Are the critics reviewing for artistic taste? If this is the case, than Bucket List is a bad movie. But, I sense those that saw it weren't too interested in the end-all artistic movie.

I sense that people made a statement with their attendance. We want more movies that explore real issues within our world. I'm tired of love stories sharing tragedy and deep romance upon 2 seconds of connectivity (Atonement). Movies that explore real life issues are what I like...the messiness and reality of life. Everyone can connect with those struggling with cancer. It's a reality everyone has experienced.

Even more, everyone connects with a movie about death. Everyone faces death, in family, tragically and ultimately very personally. How do we process our reactions? How do we discuss God? How do we do the things we need to before we leave?

I love when Morgan Freeman asks if you would want to know when you were going to die. It's the age old religious question Are you ready? Right now? Tomorrow at 10? Next Year? 25 Years? 80 years? Right now...I don't want to die. Am I ready? Yes. If tomorrow I meet God, there's not much I can do to stop it from happening. I won't fight what I can't control. But embrace the divine. But, not now. I have too much to accomplish, too much to experience, to much to see. Right God?

In the Bucket List, they try to deny death by experiencing everything there is. I'm ok with that. Do it now and when you get the news. Live life to the fullest but remember it does have to end. What's on your Bucket List? Is it things majestic? Or things material? Is it things eternal? Or things self-gratifying? Who didn't love the ending? The assistant taking him up the mountain...and you thought it was Morgan Freeman, didn't you?

Death is scary. I worry about what it will be like. When that time comes...will it be dark? Will Christ meet me? Will is hurt? Is this the moment? So, where do we find hope in death? Even though we may believe Christ will be 'on the other side' it's still scary. One relies on his faith and the sacrifices made on earth the other relies on the inevitable.
What do you rely?
What do I rely on? Laughter, God, joy, hope, and good movies are all included in my Bucket List.

Messiness in the Bible and Life.

2007-12-11T00:59:00.001-06:00

My first quarter at Iliff…

My Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) professor said this, "Life is messy, Hebrew Bible is messy." Wow! After reading 80% of it, I agree. While there are some aspects of Hebrew Bible that I don't understand (rape, genocide, deceit, scandal upon scandal, murder, the list goes on and on) I realize that while this is an example of the demise of man, the way our feeble souls can damage others and the divine. I also recognize the authority in the Bible, power of God, and the awesome moments where man's ability to overcome the negative turns of life.

Sometimes my life is a mess. I've dug holes I don't know how to get out of, no ladder is big enough. I try to work hard to be good, to do the 'right' thing. I try so hard I become more focused on being good that connecting with God. Why can I not just let go of the world and let it be, let the divine move in the midst?

There is no formula for the Bible, no test. It is a relationship. It is not about perfection or being good. It's about being messy and starting over again. Life is messy. The Bible is messy. Both are messy because it involves people, relationships. But out of the messiness come hope. Hope for a new tomorrow. Hope for second chances. Hope that the human race will finally get it right. Time after time the people fail but there's always tomorrow. That second chance to get it right.

I think God is a mess. Tried so many ways to get the attention of man. The Old Testament is full of God trying to get us to be in relationship with the divine. But, we can't get it and God gets messy in the process. We are like God, messy in the image of the creator. Are you messy like God? Are you ok being messy?

"Does God like you?" I asked a five-year old little girl. She stifled a grin.

"Yep," she said easily, confidently, certainly.

"How do you know?"

"Because of the way he talks to me. He's just like me. I recognize it in his voice."

Robert Bensen